For the past several days I’ve been pondering the concept of support. Not the emotional support so many of us need, but rather the aid or assistance given to a cause. In this regard, the idea of support might be a bit tricky for some. Why? Because this type of support is often mistaken for love. Once I realized that support and love are not necessarily synonymous, my entire outlook on relationships changed.
Support and love are two different things. Just because someone supports you doesn’t mean that you have to love that person or that the person has to love you. And if someone doesn’t support you, it doesn’t mean that s/he doesn’t love you, or that you can’t still love him/her. It is important for people who fight depression to know the difference between support and love. People who are already subject to depressive behavior need to feel a sense of support and connection. If someone close to them doesn’t support their various ventures, it might cause depression to rear its ugly head. It might even cause damage to relationships. I understand quite well how this misunderstanding might cause so many problems. Hence, I would like to share how I learned to identify the difference.
I learned the true meaning of support early in my professional career by watching someone I know start a business. In my mind (possibly hers) I thought that the business would have overwhelming support from her family. After all, why wouldn’t family support one another’s endeavors? But, that hasn’t been the case. Family sparingly supports her business. Now, I can’t speak as to why. (And it isn’t up to us to worry about the “why” of most things.) However, I can attest that the business owner is still loved by her family, and that she hasn’t held their lack of support against them. She frequently visits their homes, calls them regularly and she always participates in family gatherings. I’ve seen the interaction between her and her family members. The love on both sides is mutually genuine.
Watching my friend taught me to keep personal emotions out of professional pursuits. After all, people offer support in different ways. Who knows? Her family members might be supporting the best way they know how. I learned that I can’t place my expectation of what support looks like to me on to others.
What if this business owner held a grudge against her family for what she considers a lack of support? What if this issue caused a rift between family members? Can you imagine family relationships being destroyed because of miscommunication, and relationships torn apart simply because love was mistaken for support? It happens all of the time. I hope that you aren’t in this situation. If you are, I urge you to forgive your family members. Forgiveness is important to your health. Let it go. Let love live. Understand support for what it really is. And as always, let’s press on together!