My daughter is an avid reader. She often gives me suggestions on what to read. One of her suggestions was 13 Reasons Why. I usually try to immediately read the books she selects for me, but this time I hesitated. Not for any particular reason; I just wasn’t “feeling it”. Then Netflix released a series based upon the book, and she asked me to watch. Again, I hesitated. I put off interest in the story. That is until I got a second request to watch the series. I took this request a little bit more seriously because it came from a parent. It came from a parent who believes that the content of the work is inappropriate for children/teenagers. Well….that caused me some concern. I thought, “What in the world has my child been reading/watching”? It never occurred to me to sensor her consumption of the arts, especially literature. I majored in English. Protecting free speech and creative license matters to me. I don’t generally follow the course of someone who would band a book, or complain to a teacher about the content of a book. But there I was, nervous to watch. I was curious. I wanted to confirm what I should have never questioned; my child’s judgement to qualify a good read.
I can’t speak for the book (I’m told it is much different than the series), but Netflix did an amazing job with the show. There are so many layers to the plot. The major theme is appearance vs. reality. Topics include friendship, bullying, sex, alcoholism, lies, trust, respect, and much more. The story’s theme is framed around the question “why?”…why did the main character commit suicide? The main character narrates the answers to this question by giving 13 reasons she kills herself. It’s extremely powerful. It’s a powerful story from which teenagers can gain a great deal of information. I expected as much. But what surprised me is how much I learned as a parent.
The most important thing I learned about parenting from watching 13 Reasons Why is that communication is everything. There are so many scenarios within the show that depict how important it is for parents to communicate with their teens. But there is one thing all the parents had in common. They didn’t take the time and/or care to understand who their child “really” is. The parents assume inaccurately about the way their teen feels, thinks and acts when away from home. From this I learned it is important to project to your child a realistic image of who you think they are. I’m going to try not to assume that I completely know my girls. I‘m going to make an effort not to give them expectations of who I think they should be. And, I’m most definitely not going to punish them when my (possibly unrealistic) expectations aren’t met. This series showed me that the image I have of my children might not agree with what is happening in their life and therefore, it might make it difficult for them to come to me with their problems.
I wish I could say that there is a sure fire way to prevent suicide. I know several excellent parents who have lost children to suicide, so I know this for a fact. But, the series 13 Reasons Why isn’t just about suicide and suicide prevention, it showed me how I can do one thing better to be a more effective parent. And, in the end that is all we hope to be…the best parent we know how to be. With that said, I understand why the parent I mentioned above might have a problem with her child watching the series. I get it. The show contains graphic sex scenes, underage drinking, and aggressive bullying (to name a few). But, I’m the type of parent that doesn’t mind having my child exposed to those things in the right context. I recommend that you watch the series for yourself before you show your children because you might not be as liberal as I am when it comes to what you expose your children to. But, even if you don’t let your children watch the show, please talk to them about suicide. It is a real thing that touches the lives of so many.
Let’s encourage one another that life is worth living. At the end of every night commit to giving the next day one more chance. I promise it will get better. Let’s continue to support one another. Let’s press on together!