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By Michelle Peterson
As a recovering addict, I’m very familiar with the feelings of social isolation that occur when one is living sober. After treatment, I had to give up a lot of friends, and it was a challenge for me to find new friends. I’m somewhat of an introvert, so not only was I dealing with the obstacles associated with addiction, but I was facing the challenge of meeting new people in the sober community. It was tough at first, but I finally found my groove. Along the way I’ve met some amazing people. People I will likely know the rest of my life.
Jumping back into a social life after recovery can be challenging. Many relationships that were formed prior to recovery are toxic because these friendships are usually based on the common ground of drug or alcohol use. Even if old friends don’t encourage you to use, they could trigger memories that could lead to relapse. “Establishing a sober community is not only a healthy step in resolving feelings of loneliness, but also an imperative step toward recovery,” says U.S. News. While it’s normal to carry guilt about your past or to have less confidence in your ability to abstain when you go out, there are ways to get back out there and make new friends while maintaining sobriety.
AA and NA Meetings
You get used to talking in front of a group when you’re in treatment, so this helps pave the way for AA and/or NA meetings. I was still so nervous at my first few meetings, but everyone was so kind and welcoming. I didn’t get up to talk until I had about three meetings there. I listened to another woman’s heartbreaking story and she inspired me to share my journey.
While in a recovery program, you’ll spend time with others who can empathize with you as you both share similar struggles. Once you’re back in the real world, AA and/or NA meetings can provide the same opportunities. Many recovering addicts cite these meetings as a place where they established valuable and lasting friendships. Often, these are the first new friendships formed during the path to recovery. People with many years of sobriety recommend spending time with people who have several years of being sober under their belt.
It’s also important to attend a few different meetings and find one that you enjoy. Some meetings are focused, such as meetings for women or meetings for atheists. But even two meetings with the same focus group can be completely different because each group of people will bring their own individual vibes. Try calling the AA or NA hotline to speak to an expert who can help you discover meetings that might work best for you. Once you find a meeting you like, keep going back.
Volunteer
One of the first things I did once my life was back on track with work, family and my finances, I started volunteering at a local addiction crisis clinic. It has been such a great feeling to help these people who suffer from their addictions and the associated stigmas. There’s no better feeling than when you can improve someone else’s day.
When abusing drugs or alcohol, an individual’s behaviors tend to be self-centered. Knowing how selfish your behaviors were can cause feelings of guilt, especially if you hurt others in the process. However, once you’re in recovery, you can flip the script. Volunteering and helping other people gives you the chance to commit selfless acts and do for others. Also, studies show that recovering addicts who help other people find sobriety are more likely to stay sober than those who don’t help others.
You can help people suffering from addiction and other recovering addicts by volunteering for AA or NA. You may sponsor others, help set up and break down meetings, become a group officer, or help organize and work events. Another way to volunteer is through a nonprofit rehabilitation facility or by contacting Volunteers of America (VOA) to help you find a placement in your area of interest.
Of course, you can volunteer to help anyone, not just those dealing with addiction. For example, you can volunteer at a hospital, homeless shelter, or animal shelter. You can also contact organizations such as Habitat for Humanity or the American Red Cross for volunteer opportunities. Regardless of whom you help, you will avoid isolation, find meaning in your life, learn social skills, improve self-esteem, and make friendships with other caring people.
Hobbies and More
Aside from meetings and the support of my family, I don’t know what I would do without crafting. Crafting gives me an opportunity to decompress from a stressful day at work or when I’m feeling tense. It enables me to avoid those trigger feelings that could lead to relapse. And I love the feeling of accomplishment when I finish a scarf or a painting.
Engaging in enjoyable activities and hobbies replaces the hobby of abuse, gives meaning to life, prevents boredom (which leads to temptations and negative thoughts), and helps you meet new friends with similar interests. Research shows that finding new hobbies or resuming old healthy hobbies can help prevent relapse. Whether you attend cooking or dance classes, pick up gardening, or join a bowling league or book club, you can take advantage of the benefits of hobbies.
If you’re struggling to meet new friends, a dog can also help facilitate low-pressure interactions with others, which can help you feel more confident in your social skills. If you can’t own a dog or aren’t ready for the responsibility of full-time dog ownership, you can sign up with a dog walking service, which provides the double benefit of social opportunities at the dog park and a potential to earn money.
Forming new friendships with people who support and encourage your sobriety is a vital part of the recovery process. It can be difficult to accomplish this when you’re feeling guilty or lacking confidence. If you’re struggling with these issues or just can’t seem to meet new people, try to attend meetings, volunteer, and pick up hobbies, all of which are great ways to let go of guilt, gain self-assurance, and forge friendships.
Michelle Peterson is the founder of Recovery Pride. She can be reached at support@recoverypride.org.