Several years ago, I faced a challenging experience that required me to make a crucial decision- a decision that would not only impact my life but the life of another. I discussed the situation with a good friend. And, as I talked about all of the variables involved, I began to feel nauseous. I was literally sick to my stomach. I had to ask my friend, “Is this the pizza I ate earlier, or is this situation bothering me?” (You know sometimes our food will talk to us, especially if we eat late at night.) But, it wasn’t the pizza. It was the situation. And when I accepted that the issue was interfering with my health, I made an immediate decision. I was going to have to rid myself of that feeling. It just so happens that the incident was attached to my negative feelings, hence I had to detach myself from the root of the problem. I said to myself, “I’m going to have peace if I don’t have anything else”.
Fast forward to present day. When I think about the climate of our culture, I get the same nauseating feeling I previously described. I am saddened that potential laws on immigration might separate families. I’m disgusted that women are treated as second class citizens. I’m literally moved to tears when I hear stories of excessive force by police on unarmed people of color. And most of all, I’m confused that some Americans find it in the best interest of the country to put trust in a man who has proven to have no integrity. It’s frustrating; I’m frustrated. This is how I feel, but I know through experience that I can’t always trust my feelings. Recently, I challenged myself to test these feelings. Are these my personal feelings, or are external factors influencing how I feel? I asked myself these questions:
- Do the social issues upset me because I’m a liberal?
- Am I being oversensitive about immigration? Shouldn’t I be worried about national security? Can I navigate the emotions I feel for immigrant families successfully around the need for improved national security? How?
- Am I being objective? How willing am I to listen critically to others who think differently than I?
- Does social media influence my beliefs? Does the news influence me?
- Am I being true to The Word of God as I personally understand it?
Once I took the time to seriously evaluate my feelings, I found that they are indeed my feelings. No one and nothing is encouraging me. So, what have I done since this epiphany? I’ve done exactly what I am going to ask you to do. Embrace how you feel. Allow yourself the space to be okay with how you feel about the state of our society. It sounds simple. But, it might not be so simple for some. In order to allow yourself to own those feelings, feelings that are yours, you cannot apologize for having those feelings. If you are like me, you might have friends and family who don’t agree with you. That’s okay. You don’t have to constantly justify your feelings. You should not have to feel guarded about how you feel. Listen, I know when I wear my “Black Lives Matter” t-shirt that I am going to get negative looks and comments. For instance, I always hear, “I like your shirt, but all lives matter”. I just walk away. I know that some of the people want to engage in a conversation, but no thank you. It is clear to everyone who sees me wearing my shirt how I feel. No further discussion is needed. And, guess, what? I didn’t ask for anyone’s opinion, so I’m not the least bit concerned when I give back the same “side eye” glance given me.
Those of us who manage depression can’t afford to be entangled in someone else’s feelings. We have too much on our own mind to handle. A pastor friend of mine often says, “Let peace be your guide”. I want to admonish you to do the same. Be at peace with how you feel. And as always, let’s press on together!