After the birth of my first child, I experienced postpartum depression. I would hold my baby when I had to feed and change her, but there was a huge disconnect between us. Or should I say, I wasn’t connected to her. My ex-husband was extremely supportive of me. He tried everything he could think of to help me to bond with her. I can remember the first time he placed her in the bed with us. I just turned over and ignored her. He did this every night for about 4 or 5 months until one night he gave up and took her from our bed and put her in the crib. She cried for what seems to have been an hour. I got tired of hearing her cry so I went to her room. You should have seen it. There was my precious little sweet pea trying to hold herself up and reach for me at the same time. All the while she was crying ma-ma-ma-ma. I immediately reached in and grabbed her. That was it. In that moment I bonded with her in the most special way. I put her back in the bed with us and she slept there until she didn’t want to anymore. (She can still sleep with me if she wants to because I remember a time when I didn’t want her to be close to me at all.) From that moment on, I hardly ever let her cry, and she never had to ask me for anything. I know that most people thought she was spoiled and maybe she was. But for me, she was mine. She finally felt like my baby and I promised her I wouldn’t ever let her go. I promised myself that I would be the best mommy I could be, and I am revisiting that promise this Mother’s Day.
This year I’ve decided to look at Mother’s Day from a different perspective. Usually, I only celebrate other mothers. I hardly ever think to recognize myself. Of course I know that I’m a mother, but I’ve never consciously chosen to acknowledge myself. Sure there are those who will wish me “Happy Mother’s Day”, and I may even receive gifts. However, I never connected Mother’s Day with my girls. I’ve always been there for my mother, but I’ve never purposefully set aside time on Mother’s Day to be with my own children. So that’s what I’m going to do this year. After all, they are the reason I’m a mother. I’m not sure what we will do, but it will definitely consist of doing things they like.
This Mother’s Day, I’m going to celebrate the bond I established with my baby all those years ago. I’m going to actively participate in Mother’s Day by recognizing my children. This might not make sense to you, but I think many mothers who have struggled with depression might understand where I’m coming from. It is my hope that celebrating my children on Mother’s Day will let them know that I am thankful to be their mom. And, in return I hope this will give me the same sense of gratitude.
This Sunday is Mother’s Day. Take the time to acknowledge all of the special mothers in your life. You never know how valuable that greeting might be. Also, don’t forget to acknowledge yourself. Make it a great Mother’s Day, and let’s press on together!