If you’ve been properly diagnosed with depression, then your doctor probably prescribed medication. No one wants to have to take medication for a mental illness. This is especially true for some women within the African-American community. Dr. Joy Harden Bradford mentions four reasons why Black women might not want to use prescription medication to treat depression. 1. A lack of African American providers 2. Self-medicating with other substances 3. Distrust of medical institutions and 4. Cost. Each reason is valid and thoughtfully explained within the blog post, Black Women and the Complicated Relationship with Psychiatric Medications. I definitely agree with Dr. Joy. I found myself living within the statistics of black women and mental health. It was difficult for me to make the decision to see a doctor, but my reason is different from the ones listed above. I know Black female therapists; I don’t drink; I have a reasonable amount of trust for medical institutions; and, I have decent health care coverage. Me…I was embarrassed.
I can’t remember the exact day I came to terms that I needed help. But, I definitely remember how I felt on that day. I felt heavy-like I was carrying an extra 1,000 pounds. The feeling of heaviness made me feel exhausted. I knew that I was not tired on my own. I felt different enough to make the connection between the two. I also felt a certain amount of emptiness. While I knew I was full spiritually, other parts of my being felt deserted and bare. I had been feeling this way for a while. I don’t know how long I had been feeling this way before I made an appointment to see a doctor. But, I do know that I was in this state longer than I should have been. It had been going on so long that it just made sense to go to the doctor. To be clear, the only reason I made an appointment with a doctor is because I knew I need medication.
I know therapy is awesome, but I kind of had all of that under control. The only reason I was able to function as long as I did is because of my faith and the mental fortitude to empower myself. It wasn’t enough. While I know God is a healer, I also know he created many avenues by which we can receive healing. It’s interesting how some Christians will encourage people with other illnesses to seek and take medication, but might not think medication is necessary for mental illnesses. For instances, diabetics are encouraged to take insulin, or cancer patients are encouraged to endure radiation. But those same people might also think that depression doesn’t need any medical assistance. I’m here to tell you; it does. It was the fear of possibly disappointing these people that made me embarrassed to take medication.
I’m glad I didn’t let the feeling of embarrassment hinder me from making an appointment with my doctor. I needed the medication as a jump start to my complete healing. After I took my first dose of medication, I remember saying to myself, “this is what it feels like to be alive”. It made that much of a difference.
Taking medication has been a process. I’ve had to change doses and change brands, and now I’m at a place where I don’t have to take it every day. I just listen to my body, and adjust how much and how often I take accordingly.
Listen… it is okay to seek out a doctor to get the help you need. You don’t need to feel embarrassed about having to ask for medication, and you definitely shouldn’t feel embarrassed about having to take it. This won’t be the last post about mental health medications, but until our next discussion, do what you have to do to be your best self. And, as always, let’s press on together!