By now, you are probably familiar with the 5 Love Languages. Understanding your love language will help to improve relationships and how you connect with others. The five love languages are Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time and Physical Touch. You can discover your love language by taking the official assessment provided on the link above. While the 5 Love Languages are important, and I encourage you to take that assessment, I would like to focus on a different relationship resource, the Apology Language.
The 5 Languages of Apology also by Gary Chapman (and Jennifer Thomas) explores what to say When Sorry Isn’t Enough. “This book will help you discover why certain apologies clear the path for emotional healing, reconciliation, and freedom, while others fall desperately short.” The 5 Apology Languages are:
- Accept Responsibility
For this apology language, individuals need to hear the words, “I am wrong”. “If the apology neglects accepting responsibility for their actions, many partners will not feel as though the apology was meaningful and sincere.”
- Expressing Regret
“Expressing Regret” is the Apology Language that zeroes in on emotional hurt. It is an admission of guilt and shame for causing pain to another person. For those who listen for “Expressing Regret” apologies, a simple “I’m sorry” is all they look for.”
- Genuinely Repent
“For some individuals, repentance is the convincing factor in an apology. Some mates will doubt the sincerity of an apology if it is not accompanied by their partner’s desire to modify their behavior to avoid the situation in the future.”
- Make Restitution
“[People who speak this apology language] believe that in order to be sincere, the person who is apologizing should justify their actions. The mate who’s been hurt simply wants to hear that their mate still loves them.”
- Request Forgiveness
For this apology language, people want “to hear their partner physically ask for forgiveness. They want assurance that their mate recognizes the need for forgiveness.”
Learning how to forgive people is important to maintaining positive emotional health. The healing power of forgiveness by Dr. Samantha Boardman helps to add value to this principle. How do you communicate forgiveness and how do you expect others to communicate forgiveness to you? What’s your apology language?
I want to encourage you to take the apology language assessment on the above “5 Love Languages” link. There are 20 questions. I scored highest for the apology language Accept Responsibility. (I will write more about what that means to me in a later post.) You might be surprised to learn what’s important to you in an apology.
Love and apology… Let’s try to learn how we can improve our relationships. And as always, let’s press on together!